So, my intentions were to post a lot sooner and maybe with more detail, but I don't think that's going to happen. I really should be going to bed since I'm going to work early tomorrow and leaving right after work for camping up north.
Anyway, my brother called me out on not updating in a while so I thought I would check in (thanks, Brian!) :)
I guess in some ways things are looking up, in others they are not. Such is life, eh? I had a bit of an exciting revelation recently, but it's not something I'm really sharing yet. You're not missing out on a ton, don't worry, it's personal revelation, but I tend to talk a lot and not follow through (something I do not like about myself and I'm working on) so, I'm not sharing this with everyone until I've worked it out a little more. Nothing like a little suspense, huh? haha :)
I'm taking a temporary break from Facebook. It sounds pretty lame to even say it because really, Facebook shouldn't be something big enough in my life (or anyone's life) to have to "take a break" but it is something I check daily. Facebook is such a great site that has allowed me to be in contact with my overseas and out of state family and friends. It's also kept me in contact with former co-workers, old high school friends and just my regular friends who don't live very close. It's is a great social networking site and I enjoy being a part of it. But it can cause problems. No, no one is talking bad about me (at least not where I can read it!) but things have been said that, as much as I try not to, I take offense to. I take things personally even when I try not to and I think seeing what everyone is doing, saying and thinking all the time is not always a good thing. I have been really hurt recently by things said on Facebook and I (along with my trusty therapist) have decided that I need to 1) hide a few people and 2) take a bit of a break. So, for at least a week I will not be on Facebook- maybe longer, we'll see.
It's a good thing I'm going camping this weekend and wouldn't have been able to check Facebook anyway, because it is really weird to not go on there and see what's up with friends and family. Sometimes I feel like I go to work, come home, do practical things (balance my check book, etc), do non-practical things (watch TV- the IT crowd is my new favorite show!!- etc) and then go to sleep and do it all over again. Much like TV and movies sometimes gives a false sense of being connected to people, so does Facebook. Some times it's nice, some times it's good not to be electronically connected and better to go and actually connect with real people. So, I'm going camping with my family for our annual family vacation and though I do not like to camp, I hope to have a great time and enjoy my time away from work and my computer!
We'll see. But prayers are always helpful!! :)
♥
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Where To Begin?
As you may have noticed, I haven't updated this blog in sometime. And the last post was about my trip to Russia, not about my journey. Well, I guess you can say this isn't a "real update" because I'm basically here to say that there is so much going on, I don't know where to start. I hope to have a real update with the details soon.
For now, here's the deal- I'm having a hard time. A really hard time. Here's how I explained it to my therapist:
Back in March I was on the ground looking up at a mountain that we'll call "Mount Happy." I wanted to get to the top of Mount Happy because at the top happiness comes naturally. Yeah, there's rocks and sharp edges. You may trip and fall, but since you are so close to the top, it's way easier to get back to the top, back to being happy, than it is when you're all the way on the ground. I made a decision some time in March that I was going to climb to the top of Mount Happy. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I felt confident that I had a good support system. Things started out well. I put my faith in God that He was there helping me and I had friends around for support. They helped me take each step, big or small, up the mountain.
However, as life tends to do, things came along that added weight to my pack and it was harder to take those steps. At the same time I felt that my support system was pulling back. Whether intentional or not (and I don't feel like I really pushed them away, but it's a possibility) they felt distant. God was right there, and lets face it, He's the only one I needed to get to the top of Mount Happy, but since I struggle with putting my faith in Him completely (trust issues will do that) I didn't count on Him to get me there (bad move).
I started having a really hard time getting up the mountain and so I started to call out. I didn't know if anyone could hear me, but I called anyway. Maybe I wasn't loud enough or maybe I wasn't paying attention, but I didn't feel like I had that support, to be honest. I called out to God, but those darn trust issues, I didn't really listen for His response. I didn't trust as I should have. And so instead of moving up the mountain, I stood in the same place for awhile. It became difficult to stand in the same place, let alone try to move up the mountain. But then I felt my foot slip a little, I felt myself fall a little. I was scared that I was falling down that mountain and I wasn't sure what to do. At the same time, I knew the ground. It wasn't great, but I had become somewhat comfortable there because I knew it well. So after some time trying to at the very least stay in the same place, I gradually let myself slide. I did dig my heels in a bit to slow things down, but in my head I knew that the ground was familiar and to some degree that was comforting.
I think I'm back on the ground right now. There's a valley behind me, things could get worse, but man the top of Mount Happy looks SO far away! I feel a pulling to walk down the path to the valley. I know I won't like it, but the path to the valley seems so easy compared to climbing a mountain (I know it's not, really, but it seems that way). Another part wants to stay put, just stay at ground level- don't go up, don't go down. Not the best idea either. I know that I need to start my way back up the mountain. And I know that even if the only one I truly feel is with me is God, that He is MORE THAN ENOUGH! (I know that, now I have to trust that!)
A new friend of mine made a point that we can't just wait for God to change things. We need to PURSUE HIM and seek out His will. I need to figure out what he wants for me, but I can't do that by standing still. I'm so glad I signed up for the Russia trip when I was in my "I'm going to be happy" phase of this journey. I think if I didn't have that and if I hadn't met those people who have reminded me of some important things, I would definitely be walking down that path to the valley.
Another good friend of mine said something as well... if you really want something truly good, you're going to have to go through something worse than you ever thought you'd go through in order to get there. It won't mean as much if you don't.
Plus, I know Satan's just loving where I am and frankly, I don't like giving him the satisfaction.
All this is to say, I've continued to claim this as a journey. I knew there would be high and low points, easy and hard parts, but I can honestly say, I didn't expect it would be this hard- that was probably mistake #1. Mistake #2 was having too many expectations for other people and myself and not enough faith in God. I have such a long way to go. I feel like I went backwards, but I hope this is only so I can move that much more forward. I hope it's soon and I know it will be hard work, but I have to try.
Prayers are appreciated as well as patience and understanding. This isn't the person you want to hang out with, I'm sure. It's also not the person I want to be. I'll get there :)
♥ Janessa
For now, here's the deal- I'm having a hard time. A really hard time. Here's how I explained it to my therapist:
Back in March I was on the ground looking up at a mountain that we'll call "Mount Happy." I wanted to get to the top of Mount Happy because at the top happiness comes naturally. Yeah, there's rocks and sharp edges. You may trip and fall, but since you are so close to the top, it's way easier to get back to the top, back to being happy, than it is when you're all the way on the ground. I made a decision some time in March that I was going to climb to the top of Mount Happy. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I felt confident that I had a good support system. Things started out well. I put my faith in God that He was there helping me and I had friends around for support. They helped me take each step, big or small, up the mountain.
However, as life tends to do, things came along that added weight to my pack and it was harder to take those steps. At the same time I felt that my support system was pulling back. Whether intentional or not (and I don't feel like I really pushed them away, but it's a possibility) they felt distant. God was right there, and lets face it, He's the only one I needed to get to the top of Mount Happy, but since I struggle with putting my faith in Him completely (trust issues will do that) I didn't count on Him to get me there (bad move).
I started having a really hard time getting up the mountain and so I started to call out. I didn't know if anyone could hear me, but I called anyway. Maybe I wasn't loud enough or maybe I wasn't paying attention, but I didn't feel like I had that support, to be honest. I called out to God, but those darn trust issues, I didn't really listen for His response. I didn't trust as I should have. And so instead of moving up the mountain, I stood in the same place for awhile. It became difficult to stand in the same place, let alone try to move up the mountain. But then I felt my foot slip a little, I felt myself fall a little. I was scared that I was falling down that mountain and I wasn't sure what to do. At the same time, I knew the ground. It wasn't great, but I had become somewhat comfortable there because I knew it well. So after some time trying to at the very least stay in the same place, I gradually let myself slide. I did dig my heels in a bit to slow things down, but in my head I knew that the ground was familiar and to some degree that was comforting.
I think I'm back on the ground right now. There's a valley behind me, things could get worse, but man the top of Mount Happy looks SO far away! I feel a pulling to walk down the path to the valley. I know I won't like it, but the path to the valley seems so easy compared to climbing a mountain (I know it's not, really, but it seems that way). Another part wants to stay put, just stay at ground level- don't go up, don't go down. Not the best idea either. I know that I need to start my way back up the mountain. And I know that even if the only one I truly feel is with me is God, that He is MORE THAN ENOUGH! (I know that, now I have to trust that!)
A new friend of mine made a point that we can't just wait for God to change things. We need to PURSUE HIM and seek out His will. I need to figure out what he wants for me, but I can't do that by standing still. I'm so glad I signed up for the Russia trip when I was in my "I'm going to be happy" phase of this journey. I think if I didn't have that and if I hadn't met those people who have reminded me of some important things, I would definitely be walking down that path to the valley.
Another good friend of mine said something as well... if you really want something truly good, you're going to have to go through something worse than you ever thought you'd go through in order to get there. It won't mean as much if you don't.
Plus, I know Satan's just loving where I am and frankly, I don't like giving him the satisfaction.
All this is to say, I've continued to claim this as a journey. I knew there would be high and low points, easy and hard parts, but I can honestly say, I didn't expect it would be this hard- that was probably mistake #1. Mistake #2 was having too many expectations for other people and myself and not enough faith in God. I have such a long way to go. I feel like I went backwards, but I hope this is only so I can move that much more forward. I hope it's soon and I know it will be hard work, but I have to try.
Prayers are appreciated as well as patience and understanding. This isn't the person you want to hang out with, I'm sure. It's also not the person I want to be. I'll get there :)
♥ Janessa
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Shameless Plug? Yep!
Evergreen Photography Studios is partnering with me to support my trip to Russia! Here is the flyer:
Come get your photos taken- family, children, couples, singles, any occasion or just for fun! Evergreen Photography Studios is FANTASTIC! Plus, all proceeds from these sessions will go towards funding my trip to Russia! Call to schedule a session on one of these Saturdays. If you can't make it on one of the Saturdays, call Michelle to schedule a separate session- just remember to mention me & my trip!
♥ Janessa
Come get your photos taken- family, children, couples, singles, any occasion or just for fun! Evergreen Photography Studios is FANTASTIC! Plus, all proceeds from these sessions will go towards funding my trip to Russia! Call to schedule a session on one of these Saturdays. If you can't make it on one of the Saturdays, call Michelle to schedule a separate session- just remember to mention me & my trip!
♥ Janessa
Sunday, April 18, 2010
A Bump In The Road
So... I've had "a week." Of course, that is true in a literal sense, but I mean I have had one of those weeks when things just felt off. They still do.
As I have mentioned before, I am very much on a journey with this Optimism thing. It is not yet ingrained in my being. I have been doing well so far, I feel, though not without some bumps in the road. And I expect bumps in the road... lots. Not in a pessimistic way, but in a realistic way. There will be bumps, but I can still be positive.
I'm not usually one to talk about "attacks from the devil" or things like that. I don't know, it sounds cliche and most of the time I don't even really feel that way. This week has definitely been the exception.
From an outside view I have had a good week. Work was good, learned a lot, got to know people I work with a little more, etc. Outside of work was good as well. Though I didn't have much people interaction outside of work, nothing bad happened.
However, I have been feeling very tired lately. No matter how much or little sleep I get, I am exhausted. It could be something medically wrong, but there was (and still is) a part of me that worried it was depression creeping back in. When I am depressed, I'm extra tired. Since things were going well, I tried to stay positive, though tired. Then this weekend, I started having really negative thoughts.
One thing I have discovered in my years of battling depression is that I tend to search out things in the world that will "confirm" (at least in my mind) the negative things I am (irrationally) saying to myself. I was definitely in one of those spaces this week. For no real reason I was saying a lot of negative things to myself and I felt unable to control these thoughts-though trust me, I tried. It was in these moments that I literally felt attacked by Satan, that he was going after any and all vulnerable parts of my being and taking advantage of them.
I guess the lack of people interaction (outside of work) didn't help. Though, that was mostly my fault. I've been so tired I haven't made an effort. But nonetheless, I have felt attacked by Satan, beaten up and naturally left in a very negative place.
That is not the place I want to be. I'm not quite out of the woods yet, though I am trying my best to keep in positive spirits, knowing that I have so much to be thankful for and I am so blessed by God.
I guess the long story short is... please pray for me.
Also, there are a few people in my life who I know are dealing with actual traumatic events in their lives right now, so prayers for them are appreciated as well.
Thanks :)
♥
As I have mentioned before, I am very much on a journey with this Optimism thing. It is not yet ingrained in my being. I have been doing well so far, I feel, though not without some bumps in the road. And I expect bumps in the road... lots. Not in a pessimistic way, but in a realistic way. There will be bumps, but I can still be positive.
I'm not usually one to talk about "attacks from the devil" or things like that. I don't know, it sounds cliche and most of the time I don't even really feel that way. This week has definitely been the exception.
From an outside view I have had a good week. Work was good, learned a lot, got to know people I work with a little more, etc. Outside of work was good as well. Though I didn't have much people interaction outside of work, nothing bad happened.
However, I have been feeling very tired lately. No matter how much or little sleep I get, I am exhausted. It could be something medically wrong, but there was (and still is) a part of me that worried it was depression creeping back in. When I am depressed, I'm extra tired. Since things were going well, I tried to stay positive, though tired. Then this weekend, I started having really negative thoughts.
One thing I have discovered in my years of battling depression is that I tend to search out things in the world that will "confirm" (at least in my mind) the negative things I am (irrationally) saying to myself. I was definitely in one of those spaces this week. For no real reason I was saying a lot of negative things to myself and I felt unable to control these thoughts-though trust me, I tried. It was in these moments that I literally felt attacked by Satan, that he was going after any and all vulnerable parts of my being and taking advantage of them.
I guess the lack of people interaction (outside of work) didn't help. Though, that was mostly my fault. I've been so tired I haven't made an effort. But nonetheless, I have felt attacked by Satan, beaten up and naturally left in a very negative place.
That is not the place I want to be. I'm not quite out of the woods yet, though I am trying my best to keep in positive spirits, knowing that I have so much to be thankful for and I am so blessed by God.
I guess the long story short is... please pray for me.
Also, there are a few people in my life who I know are dealing with actual traumatic events in their lives right now, so prayers for them are appreciated as well.
Thanks :)
♥
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Waiting....
I know you've all been waiting on pins & needles for a new post from me (hehehe), but I have been crazy busy!
Work is good, life is good, and fund-raising for Russia is underway! I may not have great posts on here for a little while because I'm focusing on getting ready for Russia.
However, please visit my Russia blog to get the latest!
http://mission-love.blogspot.com
Grace & Peace,
♥
Work is good, life is good, and fund-raising for Russia is underway! I may not have great posts on here for a little while because I'm focusing on getting ready for Russia.
However, please visit my Russia blog to get the latest!
http://mission-love.blogspot.com
Grace & Peace,
♥
Friday, April 2, 2010
Russia? Say What?
Ok folks, I promise I will have a real update soon! But in the mean time, please visit my NEW blog for more details about my Mission Trip to RUSSIA!
http://mission-love.blogspot.com
My itinerary and a few more details are posted now. Read it!! :)
Grace & Peace
♥
http://mission-love.blogspot.com
My itinerary and a few more details are posted now. Read it!! :)
Grace & Peace
♥
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
I'M GOING TO RUSSIA!!!!
That's right folks, I'm going to Russia! This August for 10 days with WAY FM, Mission Network News and Orphan Outreach. St. Petersburg and Leningrad to work in orphanages. Need to raise $3,500.00 by July 1st! Ahh! So Excited! :)
More details coming soon...
More details coming soon...
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
A Few Of My Favorites
In discussing my new blog, I have mentioned a few other blogs I follow. I have had a couple of people ask me to send them the link, so I thought I would dedicate this post to just a few musicians/blogs that I follow.
MUSICIANS
Here are a couple of lesser known musicians that are AMAZING!
Vicky Beeching
Vicky Beeching is such a talented worship leader and songwriter. I had the privilege of hearing her perform live as she led worship at my church a couple of months ago! She has a 3 track EP available on iTunes and a new full length album coming out in April 2010!
Check out her website at http://vickybeeching.com
Also check her out on iTunes and facebook!
Aaron Niequist
Aaron Niequist used to be the worship leader at my church. Though I love our current leader, I miss him! Aaron is an incredible songwriter and performer. His latest album "With Broken Fists" is great.
Check out Aaron's website at http://www.aaronniequist.com/ and find him on iTunes!
Joshua Spier
Ok, so Josh is my cousin, but he is seriously Amazing! I have watched him compose a song in my car as we drove to a tiny recording studio in Caledonia, MI. His talent in singing, songwriting and performing is just... beyond words. I say that as a music lover, not as family. I highly encourage you to check out his music!
Visit Josh's website at http://www.joshuaspier.com/... do it! :)
Blogs*
Cake Wrecks
For anyone who loves cake, loves cake decorating or just loves when people mess up royally, this is a good website. The things people put on cakes... seriously? (G- PG)
http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/
Failblog
Oh how people fail. It's incredibly funny and sad at the same time. There are no words for this site, but if you ever feel like you're having a bad day, go to this site and see what it's like to really fail. haha. (PG-13 for the most part)
http://failblog.org/
Probably Bad News
It is amazing what gets published in our newspapers. Some publications are online and some are actually printed on paper, either way, it is funny! (PG- PG-13)
http://probablybadnews.com/
Work Fails & Job LOLs Monday thru Friday
We all have crazy jobs. This site posts some of the more amusing or... awkward moments at other peoples workplaces. (I just started following this yesterday) (PG-13 - R)
http://mthruf.com/
Oddly Specific
Some signs aren't playing around. They tell is exactly how it is. I wish more signs were this honest, it would be more amusing. (PG- PG-13)
http://oddlyspecific.com/
(the customer is) Not Always Right
For anyone who has worked in customer service, you know that customers say the most ridiculous things and no, they are not always right! This site tells those stories. You think "no one could be this dumb" or "no one would really say that." Oh yes they do! (PG)
http://notalwaysright.com/
Failbooking
If you're not addicted enough to facebook, check out failbooking.com. For me, my friends don't say enough ridiculous and embarrassing things on facebook, but other people certainly do! Yes, some may be intentional, but some times people just don't think about what they are publishing to the world on facebook and it can be quite hilarious! (PG-13 - R- probably more R)
http://failbooking.com/
*Like most blogs, some days are better than others. Some days are also more "appropriate" than others. I make no guarantees that the sites will be funny every day, but they are amusing for the most part. The ratings are estimated for the typical post.
Enjoy! :)
MUSICIANS
Here are a couple of lesser known musicians that are AMAZING!
Vicky Beeching
Vicky Beeching is such a talented worship leader and songwriter. I had the privilege of hearing her perform live as she led worship at my church a couple of months ago! She has a 3 track EP available on iTunes and a new full length album coming out in April 2010!Check out her website at http://vickybeeching.com
Also check her out on iTunes and facebook!
Aaron Niequist
Aaron Niequist used to be the worship leader at my church. Though I love our current leader, I miss him! Aaron is an incredible songwriter and performer. His latest album "With Broken Fists" is great.Check out Aaron's website at http://www.aaronniequist.com/ and find him on iTunes!
Joshua Spier
Ok, so Josh is my cousin, but he is seriously Amazing! I have watched him compose a song in my car as we drove to a tiny recording studio in Caledonia, MI. His talent in singing, songwriting and performing is just... beyond words. I say that as a music lover, not as family. I highly encourage you to check out his music!Visit Josh's website at http://www.joshuaspier.com/... do it! :)
Blogs*
Cake Wrecks
For anyone who loves cake, loves cake decorating or just loves when people mess up royally, this is a good website. The things people put on cakes... seriously? (G- PG)http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/
Failblog
Oh how people fail. It's incredibly funny and sad at the same time. There are no words for this site, but if you ever feel like you're having a bad day, go to this site and see what it's like to really fail. haha. (PG-13 for the most part)http://failblog.org/
Probably Bad News
It is amazing what gets published in our newspapers. Some publications are online and some are actually printed on paper, either way, it is funny! (PG- PG-13)http://probablybadnews.com/
Work Fails & Job LOLs Monday thru Friday
We all have crazy jobs. This site posts some of the more amusing or... awkward moments at other peoples workplaces. (I just started following this yesterday) (PG-13 - R)http://mthruf.com/
Oddly Specific
Some signs aren't playing around. They tell is exactly how it is. I wish more signs were this honest, it would be more amusing. (PG- PG-13)http://oddlyspecific.com/
(the customer is) Not Always Right
For anyone who has worked in customer service, you know that customers say the most ridiculous things and no, they are not always right! This site tells those stories. You think "no one could be this dumb" or "no one would really say that." Oh yes they do! (PG)
http://notalwaysright.com/
Failbooking
If you're not addicted enough to facebook, check out failbooking.com. For me, my friends don't say enough ridiculous and embarrassing things on facebook, but other people certainly do! Yes, some may be intentional, but some times people just don't think about what they are publishing to the world on facebook and it can be quite hilarious! (PG-13 - R- probably more R)http://failbooking.com/
*Like most blogs, some days are better than others. Some days are also more "appropriate" than others. I make no guarantees that the sites will be funny every day, but they are amusing for the most part. The ratings are estimated for the typical post.
Enjoy! :)
Sunday, March 21, 2010
God Week
Well, here we are at Sunday again! I had expected to update my blog well before this, but I had quite the busy week. It was nice catching up with my friend Kaylee on Monday. Tuesday I got medical insurance (woo hoo!) and took a walk in the wonderful sunshine. Wednesday I had an Irish themed Bible Study at my House Church. Thursday I had a counseling appointment. And this weekend... well, my family plans were canceled, but I ended up working on a couple of other things. And now we are back to my favorite day of the week... Sunday!
My therapist said it perfectly when she said I was having a "God-week." Well, every week is God's week when you think of it, but there is definitely a lot moving in my life right now!
I am looking into opportunities to get back into music and theater. The theater part may have to be put on hold for a bit, but I would love to find a group to sing with. In my fantasy world, I would find a group like "Glee" but really, any group of fun people singing good songs would be great. I need to find my hobbies again as I've lost touch with them.
Friday I applied to go to Russia this summer with Way FM and Orphan Outreach! If approved, I would be going for 10 days in August to St. Petersburg and Leningrad to work in orphanages. We'd be working with orphans of all ages, but for a portion of the trip we'd be working especially with teenagers who are about to age out of the system. Many orphans who age out of the system turn to drugs, prostitution or suicide because they have no where to go and no hope. We will be working with them in many ways but one way is to give them hope through showing them the Love of Jesus Christ! It will be such a heart-wrenching and amazing experience I am sure. I will hopefully find out this week if I am accepted and then I will be doing lots of fund-raising to meet the financial portion of the trip! Look for more to come on this blog!
I am loving my job, though it does have it's stressful moments. I know I am a temp so I could be let go at any minute, but right now I am grateful to have a job and with such great people!
My House Church friends are so wonderful and I am so lucky to be connected with them. It was clearly an intentional God thing that we all got together and stayed together after our 6 week series back in October/November. Cassie, Jessie & John, thank you for being you, I love you all! :)
And I am very grateful for such amazing friends and family. I got to seem my niece and both my nephews this week which was such a treat. It was sad that the family plans this weekend were canceled, but I look forward to next weekend when I will see them again. And all my friends are wonderful. I am especially looking forward to spending the day with Ryan, Amanda and Annika, as well as Amanda's family as we celebrate Ryan's birthday!
If I can ask for prayer requests though, I am struggling with particular people in my life and acceptance of the choices they make. I want to show them love but it's easier said than done sometimes.
Also, I was asked to share the links to some of the funny blogs I follow, so my plan is that some time this week I will do a "who to look out for/who to follow" type blog. I have some ideas going.
I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday and since snow came to visit Michigan on the first day of Spring, I also hope we see sun and warmer weather in the near future!! :)
Grace & Peace
♥
My therapist said it perfectly when she said I was having a "God-week." Well, every week is God's week when you think of it, but there is definitely a lot moving in my life right now!
I am looking into opportunities to get back into music and theater. The theater part may have to be put on hold for a bit, but I would love to find a group to sing with. In my fantasy world, I would find a group like "Glee" but really, any group of fun people singing good songs would be great. I need to find my hobbies again as I've lost touch with them.
Friday I applied to go to Russia this summer with Way FM and Orphan Outreach! If approved, I would be going for 10 days in August to St. Petersburg and Leningrad to work in orphanages. We'd be working with orphans of all ages, but for a portion of the trip we'd be working especially with teenagers who are about to age out of the system. Many orphans who age out of the system turn to drugs, prostitution or suicide because they have no where to go and no hope. We will be working with them in many ways but one way is to give them hope through showing them the Love of Jesus Christ! It will be such a heart-wrenching and amazing experience I am sure. I will hopefully find out this week if I am accepted and then I will be doing lots of fund-raising to meet the financial portion of the trip! Look for more to come on this blog!
I am loving my job, though it does have it's stressful moments. I know I am a temp so I could be let go at any minute, but right now I am grateful to have a job and with such great people!
My House Church friends are so wonderful and I am so lucky to be connected with them. It was clearly an intentional God thing that we all got together and stayed together after our 6 week series back in October/November. Cassie, Jessie & John, thank you for being you, I love you all! :)
And I am very grateful for such amazing friends and family. I got to seem my niece and both my nephews this week which was such a treat. It was sad that the family plans this weekend were canceled, but I look forward to next weekend when I will see them again. And all my friends are wonderful. I am especially looking forward to spending the day with Ryan, Amanda and Annika, as well as Amanda's family as we celebrate Ryan's birthday!
If I can ask for prayer requests though, I am struggling with particular people in my life and acceptance of the choices they make. I want to show them love but it's easier said than done sometimes.
Also, I was asked to share the links to some of the funny blogs I follow, so my plan is that some time this week I will do a "who to look out for/who to follow" type blog. I have some ideas going.
I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday and since snow came to visit Michigan on the first day of Spring, I also hope we see sun and warmer weather in the near future!! :)
Grace & Peace
♥
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Jesus, Lover of my Soul
I ♥ Sundays. Sunday might very well be my favorite day of the week.
I think it should be noted that the only reason this journey is taking place, the journey from pessimism to optimism, is because of Jesus Christ. By the Grace of God I am even here and I have not always appreciated that simple fact in the past.
Today at church we continued our Lent Series on Jonah. The book of Jonah is probably the most comical book of the Bible and I have enjoyed going through this series both at church and at Bible Study.
This week there was a lot to the message and frankly it would take me a long time to go through all of the good points. It's better to just listen for yourself once it is uploaded to the website (probably by Thursday) at marshill.org.
However, there were two points of the service that were really good for me at this point in my journey. The first was a line in a prayer we said together. It stated "let us not sour the joy of life." I feel that was very much what I used to do... sour the joys of life with my negative outlook. Now, I am trying to stop that and cherish the joy of life. Perfect Timing. God's timing!
Second was (long story short) about how God does not look down at us sitting in our troubles, sorrow, despair, etc. God is not above humbling Himself and joining us in whatever we are going through. He is a compassionate and sympathetic God. And the whole time I was listening to this part of the sermon, I kept envisioning Jesus, not just standing there feeling bad for me when I was at my lowest points, but sitting next to me and crying with me, entering into that space and that emotion. One thing my pastor kept saying was "God wants to enter into those times with you so that you will never have to be alone." How great is that? Some times, especially for someone like me who suffers from depression, it is easy to feel all alone, but I will never be alone because God is always with me!
I bought a ring for myself recently. It has a lot to do with the events that sparked this change in heart, change in attitude. I won't get into that here, for reasons stated in my last post, but I had the ring engraved on the inside to say "Jesus, lover of my soul." I wear this ring to remind myself that the only man I need in my life is Jesus. I am whole because of Him!
Here are some photos... maybe not the best quality, but it does the job! :)
You can kind of make out the engraving...
Grace & Peace
♥
I think it should be noted that the only reason this journey is taking place, the journey from pessimism to optimism, is because of Jesus Christ. By the Grace of God I am even here and I have not always appreciated that simple fact in the past.
Today at church we continued our Lent Series on Jonah. The book of Jonah is probably the most comical book of the Bible and I have enjoyed going through this series both at church and at Bible Study.
This week there was a lot to the message and frankly it would take me a long time to go through all of the good points. It's better to just listen for yourself once it is uploaded to the website (probably by Thursday) at marshill.org.
However, there were two points of the service that were really good for me at this point in my journey. The first was a line in a prayer we said together. It stated "let us not sour the joy of life." I feel that was very much what I used to do... sour the joys of life with my negative outlook. Now, I am trying to stop that and cherish the joy of life. Perfect Timing. God's timing!
Second was (long story short) about how God does not look down at us sitting in our troubles, sorrow, despair, etc. God is not above humbling Himself and joining us in whatever we are going through. He is a compassionate and sympathetic God. And the whole time I was listening to this part of the sermon, I kept envisioning Jesus, not just standing there feeling bad for me when I was at my lowest points, but sitting next to me and crying with me, entering into that space and that emotion. One thing my pastor kept saying was "God wants to enter into those times with you so that you will never have to be alone." How great is that? Some times, especially for someone like me who suffers from depression, it is easy to feel all alone, but I will never be alone because God is always with me!
I bought a ring for myself recently. It has a lot to do with the events that sparked this change in heart, change in attitude. I won't get into that here, for reasons stated in my last post, but I had the ring engraved on the inside to say "Jesus, lover of my soul." I wear this ring to remind myself that the only man I need in my life is Jesus. I am whole because of Him!
Here are some photos... maybe not the best quality, but it does the job! :)
You can kind of make out the engraving...
Grace & Peace
♥
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Trust (or lack thereof)
So, I had published a new post today that I felt I needed to delete. It is unfortunate that I feel as though I am unable to share everything about my journey because there are some people following my blog that I cannot trust with my personal information. One day I hope that blogspot will allow individual posts to be privatized.
In the mean time, I am happy to share the rest of my journey with anyone who follows this blog. I hope that everyone understands that this is very much a journey, but hopefully I can feel support and positivity from my followers.
♥
In the mean time, I am happy to share the rest of my journey with anyone who follows this blog. I hope that everyone understands that this is very much a journey, but hopefully I can feel support and positivity from my followers.
♥
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Finally!!!
So, I've been talking about starting a blog for some time now. I'm going to be honest, I don't know what I will write about and who will care, but it's done. Finally!
A couple of things about my blog. First of all, the URL. "Erasable History" is taken from a line of a song called "Day to Day" by Chris Bryan- he is an amazing musician who went to Hope College! It's from his first album, "Shades of Blue." The line states that "the future's just erasable history." And I like that. A lot of times I feel like I don't know what is going on and of course I don't know what will happen in the future. But sometimes I feel like there are aspects of my future that are going to happen because of the decisions I've made now. I like the reminder that no matter what is going on now or what has happened in the past, the future is still open.
Chris wrote in his bio on his website that with lines like that, he was trying to be witty. Well, yeah, it is, but I found something from it, so it's not all fluff!
My title, The Journey from Pessimist to Optimist is really where my life is right now. For some of you who know me, describing myself as a pessimist isn't too big of a shock for you. For others, you wouldn't describe me that way (and I love you for it! haha). But a huge part of my pessimism is in my internal dialogue. I *was* always so negative. Now I am working on being positive and happy and for a natural pessimist, that is A LOT harder than it sounds! So, it's a journey and if you are reading this blog, I hope you can encourage me to stay positive!
That's it for now. Like I said, I don't know where this is going or what kinds of things this blog will hold. And if I actually remember to update it regularly, I'm curious who will follow it. But, one thing you can count on (and if you know me at all, it will not be a surprise) my posts will probably be on the longer side. I'm not good at keeping things short. And it's my blog, so I don't have to! haha!
♥
A couple of things about my blog. First of all, the URL. "Erasable History" is taken from a line of a song called "Day to Day" by Chris Bryan- he is an amazing musician who went to Hope College! It's from his first album, "Shades of Blue." The line states that "the future's just erasable history." And I like that. A lot of times I feel like I don't know what is going on and of course I don't know what will happen in the future. But sometimes I feel like there are aspects of my future that are going to happen because of the decisions I've made now. I like the reminder that no matter what is going on now or what has happened in the past, the future is still open.
Chris wrote in his bio on his website that with lines like that, he was trying to be witty. Well, yeah, it is, but I found something from it, so it's not all fluff!
My title, The Journey from Pessimist to Optimist is really where my life is right now. For some of you who know me, describing myself as a pessimist isn't too big of a shock for you. For others, you wouldn't describe me that way (and I love you for it! haha). But a huge part of my pessimism is in my internal dialogue. I *was* always so negative. Now I am working on being positive and happy and for a natural pessimist, that is A LOT harder than it sounds! So, it's a journey and if you are reading this blog, I hope you can encourage me to stay positive!
That's it for now. Like I said, I don't know where this is going or what kinds of things this blog will hold. And if I actually remember to update it regularly, I'm curious who will follow it. But, one thing you can count on (and if you know me at all, it will not be a surprise) my posts will probably be on the longer side. I'm not good at keeping things short. And it's my blog, so I don't have to! haha!
♥
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