A Bump In The Road

So... I've had "a week." Of course, that is true in a literal sense, but I mean I have had one of those weeks when things just felt off. They still do.

As I have mentioned before, I am very much on a journey with this Optimism thing. It is not yet ingrained in my being. I have been doing well so far, I feel, though not without some bumps in the road. And I expect bumps in the road... lots. Not in a pessimistic way, but in a realistic way. There will be bumps, but I can still be positive.

I'm not usually one to talk about "attacks from the devil" or things like that. I don't know, it sounds cliche and most of the time I don't even really feel that way. This week has definitely been the exception.

From an outside view I have had a good week. Work was good, learned a lot, got to know people I work with a little more, etc. Outside of work was good as well. Though I didn't have much people interaction outside of work, nothing bad happened.

However, I have been feeling very tired lately. No matter how much or little sleep I get, I am exhausted. It could be something medically wrong, but there was (and still is) a part of me that worried it was depression creeping back in. When I am depressed, I'm extra tired. Since things were going well, I tried to stay positive, though tired. Then this weekend, I started having really negative thoughts.

One thing I have discovered in my years of battling depression is that I tend to search out things in the world that will "confirm" (at least in my mind) the negative things I am (irrationally) saying to myself. I was definitely in one of those spaces this week. For no real reason I was saying a lot of negative things to myself and I felt unable to control these thoughts-though trust me, I tried. It was in these moments that I literally felt attacked by Satan, that he was going after any and all vulnerable parts of my being and taking advantage of them.

I guess the lack of people interaction (outside of work) didn't help. Though, that was mostly my fault. I've been so tired I haven't made an effort. But nonetheless, I have felt attacked by Satan, beaten up and naturally left in a very negative place.

That is not the place I want to be. I'm not quite out of the woods yet, though I am trying my best to keep in positive spirits, knowing that I have so much to be thankful for and I am so blessed by God.

I guess the long story short is... please pray for me.

Also, there are a few people in my life who I know are dealing with actual traumatic events in their lives right now, so prayers for them are appreciated as well.

Thanks :)

♥